Blogging For My Boys

Jeffrey and Jackson- One day you will be able to get on here, and read all about your mommy and daddy. I look forward to keeping this blog going for years, and I hope you find it joyous to read. I was gearing it towards you Jay, but Jax is here now so Im just going to write whatever I feel like writing about that day, whether its about me, your daddy, your sister, or one of you! I love you both with all my heart!!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Dear Jay

This is sort of like from the beginning but geared for my son to learn about me....from me not others.

Dear Jeffrey,
I never thought of doing this before until your "Nenna" got me interested in a very interesting journal. It was from a father to his son. I want you to know the true me if something ever happens to me before I am old enough to tell you on my own. Where to begin. I was born on Oct. 14th 1988 in Parkersburg West Virginia. A small little town with great people and beautiful coun
try roads. Your “Me-maw” and “Papaw” Becky and Ronnie were also born around that area. As well as your uncle Justin. You have many family members still there, and a few who have relocated to Florida, North Carolina etc. When I was younger I hear I was very sweet, silly, and spoiled. A daddy's girl. I loved and still love my daddy dearly. Your me-maw is pretty amazing too :) When I was younger I spent a lot of time with my Granny and Pap-Pap your great grandma and grandpa (Ralph and Jeanne McMullen). When I wasn't with them I remember going to a place called Bergoo Mountains. I always had so much fun out there. Your papaw would take me to the fishery (not sure that's what it's called) so it would be easier for me to catch fish. Its like a ten foot pool with hundreds of fish in it. I was always so excited to hook a fish! We would also go in the creek and go down the banana slide, and I always enjoyed having campfires and roasting smores. I loved to hang out with your uncle Justin more than I should have probably. I am sure I got a little annoying at times. I got my first “kiss” when I lived there I had a huge crush on a little boy names Shane Wells. We went to a school dance and popped a little cheek kiss. He gave me a necklace when I left. When I was in 3rd grade your me-maw, papaw and I moved to FL, your uncle Justin finished that school year in West Virginia. When I started school at Skeen Elementary school, I was far ahead of the 3rd graders in Florida. So I was very bored and always got in trouble for talking in school. I still get in trouble for that. I also attended Oak Park Middle School, and Leesburg High School. I got in trouble in 10th grade and got kicked out, I ended up going and getting my diploma immediately. I did well in school never studied but always made As and B's. I met a lot of great people there and Florida is where I call my home. My best friend Tiffany (your “aunt” TT) and I have been friends since we were in the 3rd grade. Man do we have some memories! We have only been in 1 argument our entire friendship, which was because of someone else. It wasn't even a huge one! When we got a little older we were very sneaky. We'd sneak out on the weekends with our friends and go mudding or to house parties. We always told each others parents that we were going to the others house and ended up staying out all night. I definitely had arguments with my parents and that is very normal, looking back now I wish I could take it all back and I wish I could understood that they were just looking out for me. In 2006 I joined the Army, the best decision I have ever made in my life. I had a very bad break-up with a boyfriend that I had been dating for a while and just felt that I needed to get away from there. I went to basic training at Fort Jackson SC, I was only 17 and your me-maw and papaw had to sign a release form for me to do join. The hardest decision I think they had to make. Everyone told me that I couldn't do it, I just felt the need to prove them wrong and I did it! In 2006 around Christmas time my Granny passed away, I was very sad and upset I remember the last thing that she said to me, she said “Kortnie I just don't want you joining the Army because when your sad, lonely, and crying your not going to have anyone to hold you while you cry.” I miss her very much and in my bible by my bed is a picture of her and my pap-pap, that always makes me smile. Going through Basic training was not as hard as I had imagined, the hardest part was getting 3 minute phone calls home. Its a tease, I missed your grandma and grandpa terribly. They weren't only my mom and dad they were my best friends. I made it through though, and they along with your uncle Justin your great grandma Dowler, Aunt Cindy, and Uncle Mike all made it to my graduation. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I had done something for my country and family for everyone to be proud of me. I felt important and like nothing could get in my way. I found out that I was getting stationed at Fort Campbell KY. I was very nervous when I heard this, because they deploy very often. I was assigned to 4th BDE, BTSB. I was a 42A Human Resources Specialist. I took care of everyone's finances, leave, promotions etc. I loved my job and the people that I worked with. Soon though I would fall in love. I went to lunch one day with a co worker of mine and a guy she was seeing. A few days later I saw this lifted black Ford F-150 at the gas station. (I loved lifted trucks and “country boys”) so I pulled in, turns out it was the guy we went to lunch with, he was so handsome! I later find out that he didn't need to go back in the store but went in to “buy a drink” to see me but he didn't know it was me either. A few days later he finds me on myspace (stay away from those websites) and says something about a poser, and I immediately got an attitude, but I gave him my number. I knew what I wanted I was just playing hard to get. I blew him off for a few weeks and dodged going to lunch dinner or hanging out with him on the weekends. One day though, being a private in the Army I was broke. He called to ask me to dinner and I accepted. I remember being so nervous and walking outside to be picked up as soon as I saw him coming I got a huge lump in my stomach! We went to the China King Buffet a place we often go to still. Yes I said still because that night was the beginning of the rest of our lives. He is your dad. J.R.P SR. We have been inseparable ever since. We met late February, we spent every single and I mean every single day together, we were married July 1st 2007. Which is a very funny story. Basically your papaw had no idea and Mr. Prege and I didn't tell him until he got here from FL on his motorcycle. We did make sure he approved first though and he did, we were married the next day. We knew your daddy would be deploying soon and his exact words were. “If something were to happen to me, I want to know that Kortnie would be taken care of when I'm gone.” Your daddy has the biggest heart ever. Turns out a few months later I found out I was pregnant with you!! This is something we both wanted and tried for. It was an amazing pregnancy and you were very good to me. I never got sick it was very easy. You were born March 11th 2008 at 4:08 a.m almost 9 pounds! Your daddy and I were still active duty in the military and unfortunately he would be deploying very soon after. He left when you were 2 weeks old for Afghanistan. This was very hard to deal with. I was very sad and you kept me going every day. Watching your daddy walk out the day while holding you was one the most upsetting times in my life, my heart felt empty. But I remember sitting at the kitchen table and looking at you all I could do is kiss and hold you, knowing that this might have been the last time you and I saw your daddy. I knew you may never get to meet him or learn what he was like. Or find out all the reasons I fell in love with him. But I saw your daddy through you, your a spitting image of him and that's what kept me going and strong. It was very hard being a “single” mommy, caring for you all by myself, luckily even though far away your daddy still supported us. I went home to Fl for a little while, since I had leave from the Army. Your me-maw and papaw helped me out so much. No one can ever get you ready for something like that, I blamed myself your daddy anyone that I could. But that wasn't the answer. It was a very hard and testing time. Ultimately I think you were part of the reason we made it work, besides of truly loving each other with all of our hearts. When I came back to work I was told by my Commander that I was to deploy July 4th. Yes you would only be about 4 months old. There was no way that I could do this to my newborn baby, leave him without a mother or father for a year so I was honorably discharged out of the military and moved to FL for a while. Things didn't go as planned and ultimately I had to find out that our home was in TN. I came back where we belonged. When you were learning to talk you would just talk to your daddy on the phone while he was deployed. You would have full conversations with him. He come home for his r&r September of that year when you were 6 mths old. He flew into the Orlando Airport and I was shaking so badly I couldn't hold you, papaw had to. That first hug I gave him just reassured the commitment we made to each other. Then I handed you to him the first time he has touched you since you were two weeks old, this moment was amazing that only we can share with each other. Not many people understand everything we have gone through, and some never will. Just know we have a very strong family. I think him leaving to finish his tour of duty was harder than him leaving the first time. Although things were hard I never put you aside, you were my priority and you were always taken care of, above anything else. In January of 2009 your daddy was hurt in Afghanistan and Med Vac home 2 months before everyone else. I was so excited he was coming home, but sad for him because I know how hard

it was for him to leave his Soldiers. But I couldn't help but be happy my family would be complete again. It was great and I was so excited. You were almost a year old and we were worried daddy wouldn't be there before this for your first birthday. But he was. Your daddy made up for all the time he has spent gone. Because of his injury he has been placed in the Warrior Transition Unit until this day March 30th 2010. I have been going to school for the last year to get my degree in Business Management. We want to start our own business when daddy gets out of the Army and we relocate to Florida. Which will be very soon. We are 700 miles from family in Florida and we miss them dearly they miss you so much too. Although since you were born all of our close family members have always made a great effort to come and visit! The the story of me until now, I'm just going to give you some more info below!!
I have darn brown hair and hazel eyes. They change colors just like yours :)
I love poetry, soft-ball, the beach, motorcycles, mudding and our family.
I'm very outgoing and spontaneous. But also very stubborn. I am not much
of a procrastinator, when something needs to be done, it gets done. I smile a lot.
And cry for no reason sometimes! I love Crime Scene Investigation (Miami), First 48,
and Sons Of Anarchy. I love tattoos, and think they are very sexy on your daddy.
I have always been spoiled and still am but I am very humble. Your my everything and I would do anything for you.
Before we found out that you were a boy daddy told me if you weren't a boy I would have to walk home. A very long walk too.
Your dad wanted to name you Gunner, but I was not having that. We named you after your daddy and named our black lab Gunner whom you love very much!
Things for you:
I want you to know its okay to cry, boys are allowed to cry. Treat every woman with respect and dignity. Lean on a woman for strength when you need it. Always pay for the date. Open the door for her and pull out her chair for when she sits down. When your older I want you to always use your manners and say sir and ma'am. Never try to be someone your not for someone else Be yourself be unique. Let your heart fall in love with someone when its love, not when you have a lonely heart. Wait for that special girl. Study and do well in school, you will regret it if you do not. Be active in your school with sports and activities. Always take a lot of pictures to look back on. Do not burn bridges with people you may need them later in life.
I'm going to keep adding to this daily/weekly. I'm going to write about our days and what we do together. Funny things you do because you do so many and you are very intelligent. I just wanted to write something to get started. I guess 3 pages is a good enough start :)
March 30th 2010- You went on your very first motorcycle ride with daddy. You have a love for motorcycles but you haven't had the courage until today to get on one. You love it and every time you hear the motor crank, you want to ride. You also have a deep obsession for Cars the movie. You love it and the characters. Today you were wearing an orange basketball come walking out with your step-sisters(your daddy can explain later) dress black shoe on the left foot, your John Deere boot on the right foot and your green and brown beanie on your head. Even dressed like this
your still a stud! I love you!

1 comment:

  1. I absolutely LOVED reading this! And so will Jay! He will love that his mommy put so much effort into making a journal for him that he will be able to read and look back on for many years. I loved the part about staying away from myspace and his outfit choice with Matti's shoe...hilarious! He is a precious precious little boy whom I love dearly. I am so grateful for our friendship and for you letting me be a part of Jay's life. He definitely has me wrapped around his little finger and I love being "nenna" :)